At the moment I am...

• Not ready to jump off the ledge, so no worries my friends!!  I want this to not only be a blog where I show my recent photos, but to also document this crazy journey that I'm on. Even if it is only for myself. I just want to remember what I was feeling and going through at the time. So for those of my faithful readers ( Missy and Tara ) who just come to see pretty pictures and not hear this crazy girl vent, feel free to pass on the personal posts. I promise to give ya some eye candy soon!! Also- thank you for all the encouraging words. It helps. SO MUCH.

•  Packing up my hizzy. I've had some good times in my little house in Ames, and I will miss this place. It seems weird that I won't be living with Rachel anymore. She has not been the only great roommate that I've had, but she's been my roommate the longest. I'll miss waking up on Saturday mornings and going upstairs to see what she cooked the night before. I also miss our endless cuddling sessions and little treats she for leaves me. She's seen me at my best and worst these past four years and I'm going to miss not living with her.  For some reason I couldn't find a picture of us from our house, but I did stumble upon this little gem from our apartment sophomore year. I also put it up because I like my long pretty hair.

• So excited to see my new book in the mail today!! I ordered this book off of Amazon a couple weeks ago and almost peed my pants when I saw it in my mailbox today.  I discovered this author when Fawn brought in a book to work one day and told me to turn to page 68. She said that "this was so US".  I read it and looked up at her with amazement and she said  "I know, right?"  The author was talking all about people who tell "enter-paining" stories - which pretty much means you tell stories of your pain in an entertaining way.  Pretty much me in a nut shell,  I just never even realized it. I had to get my hands on more of this lady's work. So I bought this.  LOVE IT. It couldn't have come at a better time, and you will more than likely hear me talk about it a ton in the future.  

•   Obsessed with these almonds. They are probably healthy. Just not the way I eat them. aka half the bottle in one sitting. I want to try every flavor. I've got goals my friends.

•  Also obsessed with this song. Not for everyone, but it's so summary and I can't stop putting it on repeat. 

•  Feeling very, very grateful for siblings. I've noticed lately that my blog post have had comments from the siblings of the people in the pictures. These siblings have said some of the sweetest things, and it just reminds me how lucky I got with mine. My very busy sister puts up with so much from me. I usually call her whenever I put up a blog post and make her read it for me. ( even though she refuses to read it out loud. no it's not weird Elizabeth. Tara does it all the time. ) I then ask her what her favorite picture is and about 10 other stupid things like "You don't think it's too this, or I was thinking about doing this, would that be dumb?? She answers all my questions and then pumps me up with things like how she's proud of me. Such a great sister. Thankfully my two brothers don't have to deal with my incessant need of ego boosting. They are there to help me with all of my idiotic problems that I somehow always have. Problems where I have to call them and sheepishly ask for something. again.  And for some reason they always quickly tell me "yeah, no problem Allison. I'll be there in 10."  Even though I've done it more times then I'm sure they'd like, they always act like it's no problem at all. Such great brothers. 

• Currently Phoneless. and Car keyless. Remember when I talked about idiot things that always happen to me. Well this is one of them. Unfortunately the person usually causing these said problems is mio. I'm working on getting all the goods today. Sorry if you've tried to get in touch with me. I lost them last week. yikes.I know.  

• Special shout out to Jenn. If you ever want to feel like an underachiever visit her blog. She has twin boys who are 2, takes beautiful pictures, and works full time. And happens to be an amazingly nice person who sends me sweet and encouraging messages. Keep being your awesome self lady!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Holy long post. Less chatter and more pictures soon. promise!

Riding the Roller Coaster of Doubt.

When I made this new blog, and I took on this new adventure I asked if you would join me for the ride. I knew this ride would be a long one. I knew it would be full of learning, but I also knew that it would be an exciting one. What I didn't know was that my confidence would join in for the highs and lows There have been times when I'm looked at my some of my pictures with great pride and thought " I would love to have a picture like that of me."  But then there are times when I am sitting in the basement of my little house sifting through pictures that I have just took and I'm overcome with discouragement. I start comparing my pictures to other photographers and wonder if my work will ever look as great as theirs. Will my pictures ever be as crisp as theirs? Will they ever be completely in focus? Will they ever be good enough? I scroll through photography blogs and I'm amazed and in awe of their creativity and wonder how they continue to be so initiative . I know, I know.... it's so easy to get down on yourself when you start comparing yourself to others. And I shouldn't be envious of their work and brilliance, I should focus on myself and on honing my own craft.

But sometimes that's really hard.

This picture is hysterical.  But girl,  I know how you're feeling.

Trying to keep my head above water.

I feel a bit like I'm one of those little kids who sees the deep end of a pool. It seems exciting and adventuress and all the cool  kids are over there. They are making it look so easy, and they seem to be having so. much. fun. I know that I'm not a good swimmer, but I'm sure I'll be fine. So instead of slowly wading over, I jump right in.  And it's awesome. I'm in the middle of the deep end, exactly where I wanted to be.

Then my arms and legs start to get tired, and now I'm barely treading water. The panic starts to kick in and I think to myself, " What was I thinking?????"  People are starting to look at me with worried faces. They wonder why such a little girl who has no idea what she's doing is trying to swim the in deep end all by herself. I'm in way over my head.  I don't know how to swim like them - I can barely float.

yeah, I'm so there right now.

Now he seems very happy to be treading water. 

( And no silly, I did not take this picture. When was the last time you saw me swimming in the ocean with a piglet??)

Good Ol' Rubes

myFor those of you blog readers who just look at my pictures and skip over any of the text ( which i totally do for some blogs ) this post will sadly disappoint. So sorry in advance and just hold tight for my next  post that will be less chatter and more pictures.

With that being said....My Rant about Ruby.

 I was driving into work today with my tank full of the smallest amount of gas. Small as in my purchase was paid with  in mostly dimes. ( left my wallet in someones yard. long story. the gist of it - I had to use my coin jar to pay for my gas to get to DM ) Anywho - While I am driving it starts POURING outside. I'm talking the kind of rain where you can't see anything and you're contemplating whether or not to pull over

Now, for those of you who don't know me or Ruby ( my spicey red car)  that well, let me share a little tid bit about her. Ruby's driver side window fell off it's track sometime this winter. It been held up with tape that has been reapplied a few times. Yes, it looks horribly tacky. Yes, I'm too cheap to get it fixed. I was fine with it. Until this morning. When it decided to fall down about 5 miles on my drive from Ames to Des Moines. at 8 am. It didn't just fall down all of a sudden either. It started creeping it's way down, which led me to an intense panic. I had one hand on the wheel trying to navigate the monsoon and the other hand trying to hold up the glass of my window. It was miserable. Once I got to Ankeny my hand and arm hurt so bad I had to let go. Thankfully I did nothing to get ready this morning for work and my hair was still wet from my shower. So the rain wasn't too bad.  Needless to say, I walked into work not in the best of moods.

I then had a disciplinary meeting about calling in for my shifts for last weekend to go to the Damstetter Wedding in Chicago. ( ps. SOOOOO WORTH IT ) So as i sit here at 1:15 am and look back to my hellish day I can't help but think of a quote that I like from Dolly Parton.  
" The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."

All I can say is: my rainbow better.be.huge

 Very cool picture that is unfortunely not mine.

At the moment I am...

• so tired. When I write a post on my overnights I usually read it the next day and change almost the entire thing. Why? Because most of what i write at 4 am is crazy talk. and very misspelled.
• Listening to this. I'm so excited for her to play at Nitefall on the River in DM this summer. I saw her play at Peoples and she was amazing!!! Hit it up if you're free! 
• Thinking twice about reading wedding magazines in public anymore. I had some time to kill before I went into work on friday so I headed over to Barnes and Noble. I happily helped myself to a coffee and the new Martha Stewart Wedding issue. The lady sitting next to me apologized for being on her cell phone while I was reading.  I told her it was no big deal since I was only reading a wedding magazine, nothing important. She then responded with, "Oh, when's the big day?!?!? "I wanted to respond with, " Dear god, hopefully within the next ten years when I can find myself a man" But instead I just awkwardly laughed and said something about not even being engaged but how a girl can dream though. niiiiice.
• Speaking of being engaged, my dear friend Mellisa just got engaged on Saturday, and I couldn't be happier for her!! I can't wait to take engagement pictures her and Aaron. and her huge rock!!!
• Reading this. Good for my soul. Also a huge reality check to things I need to work on
• .Editing pictures like it's goin outta style. Here's a little somethin-somethin for your viewing pleasure!
  

oh so happy.

Let the choirs sing. I have internet. This means faster response to my e-mails, more blog posts, and no doubt endless hours for me to facebook stalk!! I'm off to take some photos of a mama and her little girl. I'll leave ya with this photo I took of Baily and Joey yesterday! Girl you are soooooooo fine.

At the moment I am.....

• Tired. These overnights at work are starting to kick my butt. 

• Getting tons of cool pictures from my former roomie, Ashleigh, who just moved to Colorado. Good Luck Lady, you're going to have a blast!!!

• Telling everyone and their mom about how I went to chicago for so cheap. I should be getting paid for all the referrals I've given.

• In love with this musical I saw while I was there. Billy Elliot. p.s Oprah I love you.

• E-mailing people who have been patiently waiting for my response. i suck. please forgive me. 

•  Really wanting a bike that won't cost me a lot. I will also accept free. :)

• Working on a very sweet engagement shoot. I'll leave you with this very springy, very adorable photo. More goodness on the way soon!

• Special shoot out to Tara Suzanne. Just because you're awesome and I love you!