At the moment I am...

• Not ready to jump off the ledge, so no worries my friends!!  I want this to not only be a blog where I show my recent photos, but to also document this crazy journey that I'm on. Even if it is only for myself. I just want to remember what I was feeling and going through at the time. So for those of my faithful readers ( Missy and Tara ) who just come to see pretty pictures and not hear this crazy girl vent, feel free to pass on the personal posts. I promise to give ya some eye candy soon!! Also- thank you for all the encouraging words. It helps. SO MUCH.

•  Packing up my hizzy. I've had some good times in my little house in Ames, and I will miss this place. It seems weird that I won't be living with Rachel anymore. She has not been the only great roommate that I've had, but she's been my roommate the longest. I'll miss waking up on Saturday mornings and going upstairs to see what she cooked the night before. I also miss our endless cuddling sessions and little treats she for leaves me. She's seen me at my best and worst these past four years and I'm going to miss not living with her.  For some reason I couldn't find a picture of us from our house, but I did stumble upon this little gem from our apartment sophomore year. I also put it up because I like my long pretty hair.

• So excited to see my new book in the mail today!! I ordered this book off of Amazon a couple weeks ago and almost peed my pants when I saw it in my mailbox today.  I discovered this author when Fawn brought in a book to work one day and told me to turn to page 68. She said that "this was so US".  I read it and looked up at her with amazement and she said  "I know, right?"  The author was talking all about people who tell "enter-paining" stories - which pretty much means you tell stories of your pain in an entertaining way.  Pretty much me in a nut shell,  I just never even realized it. I had to get my hands on more of this lady's work. So I bought this.  LOVE IT. It couldn't have come at a better time, and you will more than likely hear me talk about it a ton in the future.  

•   Obsessed with these almonds. They are probably healthy. Just not the way I eat them. aka half the bottle in one sitting. I want to try every flavor. I've got goals my friends.

•  Also obsessed with this song. Not for everyone, but it's so summary and I can't stop putting it on repeat. 

•  Feeling very, very grateful for siblings. I've noticed lately that my blog post have had comments from the siblings of the people in the pictures. These siblings have said some of the sweetest things, and it just reminds me how lucky I got with mine. My very busy sister puts up with so much from me. I usually call her whenever I put up a blog post and make her read it for me. ( even though she refuses to read it out loud. no it's not weird Elizabeth. Tara does it all the time. ) I then ask her what her favorite picture is and about 10 other stupid things like "You don't think it's too this, or I was thinking about doing this, would that be dumb?? She answers all my questions and then pumps me up with things like how she's proud of me. Such a great sister. Thankfully my two brothers don't have to deal with my incessant need of ego boosting. They are there to help me with all of my idiotic problems that I somehow always have. Problems where I have to call them and sheepishly ask for something. again.  And for some reason they always quickly tell me "yeah, no problem Allison. I'll be there in 10."  Even though I've done it more times then I'm sure they'd like, they always act like it's no problem at all. Such great brothers. 

• Currently Phoneless. and Car keyless. Remember when I talked about idiot things that always happen to me. Well this is one of them. Unfortunately the person usually causing these said problems is mio. I'm working on getting all the goods today. Sorry if you've tried to get in touch with me. I lost them last week. yikes.I know.  

• Special shout out to Jenn. If you ever want to feel like an underachiever visit her blog. She has twin boys who are 2, takes beautiful pictures, and works full time. And happens to be an amazingly nice person who sends me sweet and encouraging messages. Keep being your awesome self lady!
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Holy long post. Less chatter and more pictures soon. promise!

Riding the Roller Coaster of Doubt.

When I made this new blog, and I took on this new adventure I asked if you would join me for the ride. I knew this ride would be a long one. I knew it would be full of learning, but I also knew that it would be an exciting one. What I didn't know was that my confidence would join in for the highs and lows There have been times when I'm looked at my some of my pictures with great pride and thought " I would love to have a picture like that of me."  But then there are times when I am sitting in the basement of my little house sifting through pictures that I have just took and I'm overcome with discouragement. I start comparing my pictures to other photographers and wonder if my work will ever look as great as theirs. Will my pictures ever be as crisp as theirs? Will they ever be completely in focus? Will they ever be good enough? I scroll through photography blogs and I'm amazed and in awe of their creativity and wonder how they continue to be so initiative . I know, I know.... it's so easy to get down on yourself when you start comparing yourself to others. And I shouldn't be envious of their work and brilliance, I should focus on myself and on honing my own craft.

But sometimes that's really hard.

This picture is hysterical.  But girl,  I know how you're feeling.

Trying to keep my head above water.

I feel a bit like I'm one of those little kids who sees the deep end of a pool. It seems exciting and adventuress and all the cool  kids are over there. They are making it look so easy, and they seem to be having so. much. fun. I know that I'm not a good swimmer, but I'm sure I'll be fine. So instead of slowly wading over, I jump right in.  And it's awesome. I'm in the middle of the deep end, exactly where I wanted to be.

Then my arms and legs start to get tired, and now I'm barely treading water. The panic starts to kick in and I think to myself, " What was I thinking?????"  People are starting to look at me with worried faces. They wonder why such a little girl who has no idea what she's doing is trying to swim the in deep end all by herself. I'm in way over my head.  I don't know how to swim like them - I can barely float.

yeah, I'm so there right now.

Now he seems very happy to be treading water. 

( And no silly, I did not take this picture. When was the last time you saw me swimming in the ocean with a piglet??)

Melissa and Aaron

It seems caaraaazey to me that the other member of the MT club is getting married!! When Melissa and I worked the overnights at YESS we would talk for hours about Aaron. We discussed  all about what their wedding would be like someday, how much she missed him when he lived apart from her, and about how wildly in love she was with him. 

Melissa and Aaron knew of each other in high school but their relationship didn't start until later. Right before Aaron had to leave for Iraq he and Melissa's sister were at a wedding and Alicia  told him how Melissa had always had a crush on him. Aaron was pleasantly surprised and e-mailed Melissa telling her he was leaving for Iraq soon and he'd love it she would write him while he was there. Aaron said she wrote him the longest letters, and he always looked forward to them. When he got back they went on their first real date, and they've been together ever since. Could it get any more romantic???

Melissa is a ridiculously motivated lady who's currently getting her masters in counseling at Drake. She is always there to listen, and is the type of person who enjoys making others feel special.  Aaron works for the Marines and just moved from California to St. Louis. He's wise and mature and is so excited to marry the love of his life.  I can't wait till they get hitched next year, it's going to be a wedding overflowing with love!

 Melis, you are such a beauty. I can't get over how amazing you look in these!

 love love looooove this one of Aaron kissing her shoulder.

The Engelbrechts

Heidi and Craig came to this shoot ready to get some smiles from their boys! They had snacks, bubbles, stuffed animals, and there was lots of tickling that went on!! They assured me that Gage was a smiley boy, he just seems to not like cameras. So instead of having him sit and smile, I chased him around and tried to be as silly as a could! It  took him a little time to warm up to me, but we got some super cute shots of him by the end.  It was such a beautiful morning to do pictures and I laughed so much at how silly the boys were. Adorable babies and sunny weather pretty much equal my perfect Saturday! Heidi and Craig, I hope you enjoy the pictures of your cute and cuddly boys!

I can't stop looking at this one of Heidi and Eli, they both look so peaceful!

My favorite of the day!

Radiant Riley.

 Riley is just about the sweetest thing ever. While we were chatting in the car on our way to the different spots I often forgot that she was going to be a senior in high school. She's very mature and carries herself so well, yet she still maintains an innocent sweetness. She was up for anything ( she jumped the barbed wire fence like a champ) and had a giddy smile on the entire time.

 Lately it seems like I've gotten along so well with the people I've taken pictures for. After pictures I feel like I'm walking away with friend not clients.  It was the same case with Riley. Our shoot lasted for a good 4 hours, so we had time to get to know each other! We discussed boar hunting, borrowing our sisters clothes, how we are both crazy for Emimem's new song, and if there could be dead bodies in the ditches we were walking in. ( hehe, sorry Riley, I just had to mention them again!! )

Riley, You are such a gem, and you look sooo gorg in these pictures.  I hope you love 'em!!
ps. Yes, her eyes are that ridiculously blue.